beki_lorraine (beki_lorraine) wrote in unmailedlove,

Dear  "T",

How could you do this to me again... Just when I thought I had almost gotten over me you do something that brings the pain right back. 

You hurt me so much Saturday night, it felt like my heart was being torn into a million pieces... I know that you meant your words to give me hope, and M had no clue what he was starting, but you knew... I still don't know how you found out but you know all the same. Do you remember what you said to me? you said "Don't worry there is someone out there for everyone... you'll find him." You know that I so wish that you were my "him". It hurt me even more when you started talking about your sad love life... I'm not sure who exactly you were talking about I just pray that it wasn't E, even though deep down in my heart I know it was.

I almost burst into tears on the train ride back to N's... I am not sure wether you heard it or not but I sure did. It wasn't really S's fault I had only talked about our situation to him once (and that was four weeks ago) and he was slightly drunk. He said to you that if you needed someone that I was here. It was a joke but I just looked at him and shook my head, he got the message straight away and I knew he felt so bad.

It just hurts everytime I am around you, I can't even look you in the eye anymore. I can't talk to you about it though because you have only just started talking to me again. The are times, like when we were sitting in the back of R's car, when it is so uncomfortable between us that I can barely breathe... and then there are times, like when you were on the ground in N's backyard throwing up after drinking too much that i just want to hold you in my arms and be held back... even though I know it will never happen.

I do have to thank you for one thing though, when you kissed everybody goodbye when you left C's party you kissed me goodbye aswell, unlike last time.

Sometimes I just wish I was stronger so this wouldn't hurt.

from R.

p.s It is still bizzarre to me that even though in my dreams we get married we are never happy or stay together long...
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